2010
so. yeah.
it’s 2010. look at me rockin’ the web2.0 xhtml. i’m only eight or ten years late, right?
it’s official. i’m just tired enough, or drunk enough, or lonely enough, or whatever enough to put words here again. to even sit down and write site code at two in the fucking morning on fucking new years fucking day.
(fuck).
it beats staring a phone that doesn’t ring. beats thinking about sitting on the curb earlier, in the just-started snow, watching streetlights and trying to keep my mind empty for as long as i can manage at a stretch. few short hours from now i’ll dive back into work. travel. bullshit. keep myself busy enough to almost forget about all the things i don’t want to think about now. or to pretend to almost forget. there’s a mental duality there that i’ve been fighting since the day i became aware of it.
it’s so easy to upset people by telling them about yourself, your feelings, your problems. it’s even easier when they ask you to do it. don’t they realize…?
nights like tonight make me wish i had more addictions. something to fall into. but my only real good addictions are the non-self destructive types. darkness and silence and writing and you.
so. yeah. happy new year. new decade. further updates, etc, etc.