blackout
i’m exhausted.
it’s not even nearly late enough for those words, but i’ve been exhausted for half a day already.
what a goddamned day. and my next starts six hours. i knew i’d be throwing myself back into this, but it wasn’t supposed to be quite this bad this fast. what a goddamned day. i’m not sure i’ve ever pissed off so many people in such a short span of time.
drama. drama.
bad day at work. i’ll leave it at that. my exhaustion craves a bed, but the hotel’s double queens look unappetizing. every muscle in my neck and head and shoulders and back aches. i entertain the idea that it hurts to think, but of course thats melodrama too. i’m just tired.
it’s possible to talk yourself out of exhaustion. for a while. i’ve got a lot of practice, which means i’m very good at it, but also very good at resisting my own convincing arguments. stalemate. meanwhile the eyes burn.
another blizzard coming. straight across the path i need to travel. pete’s stuck already. i won’t have to deal with it for a day or two yet. last winter my luck held out. missed every major issue. this year… well, i’m making up for lost time.
caffiene. ephedrine. keep moving. keep talking. keep thinking. keep the music loud and the cold air on your face. as the corporate saying goes ‘you ‘kin do it.’ we all run on it.
it’s not late, and i’m not bored. just a distraction. forced concentration for a few more moments. finish what obligations are left for the day.
watch the cars on the highway outside the hotel window. light and speed without sound. taken utterly alone, removed from all context, quite beautiful.